Just Rewards

When Xander left for Bangkok in January, he took Toby along with him.

It started small at first. He asked Giles for my email address and I got this:

Dawn

Bangkok is flooded. Gotta love these week-long downpours. How’s the new job going? Don’t let G-man work you too hard. Sorry I stole your boyfriend.

And that in no way came out the way I meant for it to...

Xander

Honestly, he’s such a goober.

Of course I replied, and very soon it got to the point that I was disappointed if I opened my email and there was nothing from him. Once, after he’d moved on to Kenya, there was a week between emails, and everyone—including Giles—was ready to throttle me.

It’s funny, in a way. I’ve known Xander all my life, but even taking into account our few brief moments of bonding during those last days in Sunnydale, he’s never been my friend.

It’s kinda nice.

After Kenya, he flew to Portugal, and then on to Madrid to settle some personal issues between a Watcher and his Slayer.

What he found there was complete and utter chaos.

Seems the Watcher got careless and ended up a midnight snack, so of course when he woke up a few days later with no pulse and a raging bloodlust, the first human he went after was his Slayer.

Xander arrived in time to save the girl from becoming vamp-chow, but the next night, she slipped away from him, bent on avenging her Watcher by taking out the vamp that turned him. She’d only been actively training for a little over a year, so she was no match for both a vamped Watcher and his sire, who took great pleasure in tearing her to pieces. Rather than try to deal with them on his own, Xander did the smart thing and called in Buffy and Spike.

I didn’t even ask their permission; I just threw some things in a duffle and followed them out the door. Buffy started to send me back, but Spike cut her off.

“Nib’s a big girl, Slayer. ‘Sides, I’ve seen this bloke’s work. The whelp might need someone. Let her come.”

I caught him staring at me several times during the flight, but he didn’t confront me until we’d landed safely in Madrid and Buffy stepped away to call Willow. My breath caught in my throat as he approached and leveled those icy blue eyes at me.

“He breaks your heart again, and I’ll do things to him that’d make Angelus puke all over his pricey Italian loafers. Savvy?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, not even trying to pretend that I had no clue what he was referring to. And I knew he was dead serious—no pun intended. According to Buffy, when she’d let slip the details of the Fiasco of Christmas Past, she’d had to chain him to their bed for almost an entire day to keep him from tearing into Xander.

“Savvy,” I replied.

Spike flung an arm around me, his eyes never wavering from Buffy as she stood a few feet away with the phone glued to her ear and wearing an expression of forced patience. “But really, Nib…” His face was a twisted study in distaste. “Xander?”

I drove an elbow into his ribs and scowled. “Yeah, Xander. And if anything ever comes of it, you’re gonna be blissfully happy for me, got it?”

“I am?”

“Blissfully. And you know why?” I demanded with another rib-bruising nudge.

“Ow! Bloody Summers girls and your pointy elbows. Don’t need a stake, just nudge the vamps to death!” he grumbled, jumping away as I cocked my arm back again threateningly. “Alright, I’ll bite. Why?”

“Because you know better than anyone what it’s like to love someone for so long and then finally get your chance with them.”

I could tell that my reasoning knocked him on his ass and I gave him a sly little grin.

He tried to hold on to his surliness. “Blissfully, ey?”

“Blissfully.”

***

Since he hadn’t known I was coming along for the ride, Xander had only booked a room for Buffy and Spike, and much as I adore the two of them, there is no way in HELL that I’m sharing a room with them.

Ever.

So, when the night clerk asked me if I needed a room also, I asked him for Xander’s room number.

The clerk looked uncomfortable and his eyes flickered towards the hotel bar. “Er, Senor Harris is not in his room at the moment,” he told me with a subtle jerk of his chin in that direction.

I sighed and turned to my sister. “If you need me, I’ll be with the boozehound.”

Buffy nodded, her eyes soft with understanding, but Spike rumbled a testy growl. “Might wanna let me handle him at the mo’, Dawn.”

“Pfft! You and a drunken, weepy Xander? Yeah, because that’ll go over so well,” I snarked. “You’re forgetting who held his hand the majority of the time after the wedding that wasn’t. Trust me; I can handle this.”

“Good point. Well, c’mon, Slayer, we got us a room to defile.”

My jaw dropped and I pointed at my head. “Ears! Virgin ears, here!”

“Better bloody stay virgin, too, right along with the rest of you,” he threatened.

Buffy made a face as she snuggled into his side. “And no, you so don’t wanna know how he knows that.”

I glared at him. “Remember, Spike…blissfully,” I reminded him sweetly as they headed towards the elevator.

He made a horrible face and stuck his tongue out at me behind Buffy’s back.

***

“This seat taken?”

The bar was empty except for the sleepy looking bartender and the big, dark-haired guy wearing an eye patch who was slouched in front of a formidable looking tower of shot glasses. At the sound of my voice, he jerked around and nearly toppled out of his chair. The shot glasses chimed alarmingly, but didn’t fall, thank God.

“Heyyyyy, Dawnie! Hu-how did you get hu-here?”

God, he was so blotto. An inquiring glance at the bartender got me four fingers held up. Four? Four what? Hours? Bottles? Probably both. Great.

“How do you think I got here, Xand? I borrowed Willow’s broom and flew over.”

He blinked his bloodshot eye at me and gave me a bleary smile. “Willow hassa broom now?” He bobbed his head happily. “Tha’s jus’ neat.”

Rolling my eyes, I slipped into the chair across from him, wincing as my elbow struck the table and made the shot glasses sing again. Leaning towards him, I pried the bottle of whiskey out of his hand and placed it safely out of reach. He barely noticed, keeping his eye fixed on the table top as he swayed gently back and forth.

This was so unlike him. Largely due to the fact that his parents were raging alcoholics, Xander rarely allowed himself more than a few sociable beers. There were a few memorable exceptions—the aforementioned ‘wedding that wasn’t’ being one, and there were also several memorable occasions while we were in LA when Buffy and I had to help him to bed, but even then, he hadn’t been as blind, stinking drunk as he was right now.

The helpful bartender brought over coffee and sandwiches. Xander wouldn’t touch the food, but I did manage to get him to drink some of the coffee while I waited patiently for him to open up. It didn’t take long, and when he did, I kinda wished he hadn’t. Spike’s earlier warning to Buffy came back to me.

‘I’ve seen this bloke’s work. The whelp might need someone. Let her come.’

I took his hands in mine and gave them a reassuring squeeze. “Talk to me, Xand.”

And he did. Her name was Camille. She was only fourteen when Willow performed the spell that turned all the potentials into slayers. Her parents, unable to cope with the drastic changes in their only child, were more than happy to turn her over to the care of the Watcher that came to claim her.

Raul Adalberto was one of the few surviving members of the original Council. A handsome man in his late forties, he was rigid in his belief that his Slayer should remain firmly under his thumb. Mentally, physically—and eventually, sexually—he became the center of Camille’s existence.

He ruled her completely, and his obsession with her continued beyond his turning. He was in fact draining her when Xander arrived. Xander fought him off, only to be attacked by Camille herself in a misguided attempt to protect her lover. He’d tried to restrain her, to reason with her, but the slayer was out of control. The following night, when Xander brought her dinner, she knocked him out and slipped away to find Adalberto. When Xander came to, he tracked her to the vampires’ lair.

“The things they did to her…she was pregnant, and…” He swallowed hard. “They pegged her out on a wall and cut her open and it was…everything…everything was just hanging there…and they were laughing at her. And I know she was still alive, ‘cause I could hear her screaming his name…”

I battled the overwhelming urge to throw up. I’d be no good to him if I gave in to the horror that had my stomach tied in knots. Tightening my grip on his hands, I struggled to find the words he seemed to need from me.

“You did all you could, Xand.” God, could I sound any more inane? But it was true. He had done the right thing in retreating and calling in the only two beings that were capable of taking down a master vamp and a turned Watcher. “You couldn’t save her from herself.”

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Dawnie,” he slurred. “I just…I can’t…”

My face was wet with tears as I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, our pose an unconscious replica of the last time I had comforted him in Angel’s courtyard. Now, as they had then, his arms wound around my hips and he clung to me. This time, it seemed perfectly natural to ease myself down onto his lap and tighten my arms, nudging his head into the cove of my shoulder.

We didn’t stir for a long time, not even when the considerate bartender dimmed the lights and slipped out the door, leaving us to our privacy. When I finally made as if to pull away from him, he tightened his arms and clung to me with a rumble of discontent. Anxious to soothe him, I began to rub my hands slowly up and down, my fingers kneading at the muscles in his broad back and shoulders.

He sighed into my neck, the rush of moist warmth causing my skin to flush and my nipples to tighten up in anticipation. My eyes drifted closed and a soundless gasp escaped me as he turned his head and grazed his lips over my throat. Tiny prickles of heat seemed to radiate from every spot his mouth touched as he nuzzled his way up to my ear.

Catching a handful of thick, shaggy hair, I pulled him away from my neck and for a heart stopping moment, I lost myself in the burning midnight of his gaze. He leaned into me, my name a breath on his lips before they met mine. I leaned back, pulling him with me until we ended up on the floor with his hard body covering mine.

I knew he was still slightly drunk and more than a little needy, but it never occurred to me to stop him. I’d wanted this—wanted him—for so long that I wasn’t about to deny myself. It was hot and sweet and wild, and when it was over, we lay there, totally spent and completely lost in each other.

So lost, in fact, that neither of us heard the door opening behind us. We were oblivious to their malevolent presence until the turned Watcher spoke.

“Well, well. Isn’t this sweet?” Adalberto jibed in an oily smooth voice.

***

The two of us put up a hell of a fight, but in the end, they took me and spared Xander, leaving his beaten and bloodied form as an obvious message for the Slayer.

Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t the older vampire that had me worried. Oh, he was evil; don’t get me wrong, but nowhere near as poisonously vicious as his childe. Adalberto was already insane, and being turned hadn’t done much to improve his psychosis.

Ramiro, the Spanish vamp, was eager to get right to the torturing, but Adalberto seemed to be waiting on the main attraction.

They’d hung me from the same shackles used to restrain the young slayer. Knowing that it was Camille’s blood-and that of her unborn child- smeared on the rough stone was causing my stomach to lurch alarmingly. I couldn’t help but remember Xander’s choked voice as he’d described what these creatures had done to that poor girl. I badly wanted to indulge in a fit of screaming hysterics.

Instead, I hid my anxiety and glared down at them imperiously. I might not be a slayer, but the blood of the best of them ran through my veins, and I refused to cower in the face of their depravity.

“You show no fear,” Adalberto mused, casually trailing his fingers along the blade of the knife he held.

“Maybe because you’re nothing to be afraid of?” The look of offense on his face was priceless, so I pushed on. “Pulleeze!” I scoffed. “I’ve survived a hell god and battled the First Evil with my sister. One turned sexual deviant of a Watcher and a wannabe Lestat don’t even come close to intimidating me.”

“I’ll make you eat those words, right before I tear your throat out, you little bitch!”

I yawned theatrically. “Yeah, yeah. And then you’ll rip off my head and drink from my brainstem, right? Spare me; I’ve been threatened by bigger and badder than you, sparky.”

By the time I finished taunting him, he was practically foaming at the mouth in a fit of rage, pacing back and forth in front of me, completely distracted and totally unaware of the twin shadows gliding along the far wall of the cave. I saw them, though, and had to fight to maintain my indifference.

“I don’t think she understands just how perilous her situation is, my childe,” Ramiro offered smugly. “Why should we wait? Kill her now. Let her bloody remains be the first thing the Slayer sees when she comes for her beloved sister.”

God, what a pompous ass!

“The only thing I’m in ‘peril’ of is dying of boredom while you two jerks stand around with your thumbs up your butts. Besides, my sister is the least of your worries.”

“Who else is there for a vampire to fear but the Slayer?” Adalberto demanded scornfully. “Especially a vampire with all the knowledge of the Council at his disposal.”

“That would be me, mate.”

I sincerely doubt that Adalberto knew what hit him. Buffy, who had dispatched Ramiro with embarrassing ease, stood back and watched her vamp work with a serene smile on her face. By the time Spike was done tearing him to pieces, there was barely enough left to stick the stake in.

“Feel better, baby?” she purred as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Spike snorted in disgust. “Takes all the fun out of it when they don’t have the guts- or the brains- to fight back,” he complained.

“Maybe that’s because his guts were flung all over the ceiling?” Buffy snickered.

“Umm, hello? Anticlimactic much, you two?” I waved my arms around, the chains clanking loudly. “Come get me out of these stupid things, please?”

“Dawn, where the bloody hell are your clothes?”

Thank you, Mr. Obvious.

***

Xander was gone.

He wasn’t waiting outside the cave, and when we got back to the hotel, Spike headed straight to the front desk. When he returned, his expression was thunderous.

“Whelp’s not here, either. He checked out about an hour ago without leaving his forwarding info.”

“He was frantic to get to you. I—we thought he was right behind us, but he must have slipped away before we got to the cave entrance.” Buffy’s eyes were luminous with tears. “Sweetie, I know you love him, but maybe it’s time to accept that Xander is just too…too broken…to love you back.”

I couldn’t speak through the lump of tears clogging my throat, and though I shook my head mutely in denial, I was beginning to think she might be right.

The pain of his defection was so intense, I could hardly breathe. He’d said a lot in the heat of passion, things that still made my traitorous body quiver, but not once had he said he loved me. Still, I had no one but myself to blame for letting it happen.

Sniffling out my hurt and grief in my sister’s arms, I failed to notice the determined gleam in the narrowed eyes of her mate.

***

“Why on earth do you want to tell him that, Andrew? Uh huh. Right. Well, that’s still not a very good reason to tell him his mother is a goat in Ge’ez.”

Pinning the phone between my ear and my shoulder, I twirled my chair to face the desk and started pounding angrily on the keyboard of my laptop. Patience had become a precious commodity in the land of Dawn these days. “Look, I’m actually working on something for Giles today, so would you please leave me alone after this? Check your email, you twit. No, I’m not going to tell you how to pronounce it! Print it out and hand it to him. Yeah, you’re welcome.”

Banging the phone down, I whipped back around to face the windows, muttering dark curses in a language that hadn’t been heard for a couple hundred years. I stared out at the bleak November skies, not even flinching when the door burst open behind me and Spike came strolling in.

“Hey, now! What would big sis say if she heard you sayin’ that?”

“Huh?” I answered without bothering to turn around.

“I said, wh—”

I rolled my eyes as I spun around to face him. “I know what you said. That’s what Buffy would say…‘Huh?’”

Spike snickered in appreciation as he parked his butt on my desk.

“Give me those before all I have left to translate is a pile of parchment dust.” I shoved his ass off my ancient scrolls and stacked them carefully in front of me. “What are you doing up here, anyway? Usually Buffy keeps you on the short leash while you’re here.”

He looked offended. “What? I can’t just pop in for a visit with my other best girl?”

“You saw me two hours ago at breakfast, Spike.”

When I refused to look at him, he reached out and grabbed my chin and forced my head up. “You look like hell, niblet.”

Well, that was blunt and to the point. Obviously packing on the foundation with a shovel this morning hadn’t had the desired affect on yet another night filled with misery. “Yeah, I heard Goth was making a comeback and decided to get an early start,” I snapped, swatting his hand from my chin and shying away from the sympathy in those all-seeing blue eyes. “I’m fine, Spike.”

He threw his head back and gave a short bark of derisive laughter. “Try that on someone that doesn’t know you, sweetness,” he jibed, his mocking tone belied by the gentle concern in his eyes. “Dawn, we’re both worried about you.”

I ducked my head, fighting a losing battle with tears. I was so tired of crying. Even if the majority of it was done behind my bedroom door, I knew Buffy could tell. So far, she’d managed to limit her sisterly concern to pointed looks at the breakfast table, but that wouldn’t last much longer if I didn’t snap out of it.

Six months had passed and not a word from him. Not a phone call or email, not even a card on my birthday. I did finally get my period, though. Happy freakin’ Birthday, Dawnie.

Even Giles was starting to get twitchy about the lack of contact, although he was still resisting Willow’s offers to whip up her handy-dandy locator spell.

Not that I cared. I was tempted to tell Giles to let her, because even if she did find out where he was, I didn’t want to see him. I readily accepted my share of the blame for what happened between us that night, but he wasn’t even willing to stick around long enough to discuss it. He just did what Xander did best; he ran. Well, enough was enough. A girl can only throw herself at someone so many times before the message finally gets through her thick, stubborn skull.

I was over it. I was over him.

And I was convinced that if I told myself this enough times, I might actually start to believe it and finally get on with my life.

I was so lost in thought that I was startled when Spike hopped off my desk and leaned over to plop an absentminded kiss on my forehead.

“I’ll just be shovin’ off then, since you’re up to your eyeballs in moldy old papers.” He was halfway to the door when he snapped his fingers and turned back to me. “Damn, I forgot to tell you. There’s a bloke outside with a package for you.”

“A package? I’m not expecting anyth—”

Spike opened the door and then stepped back with a flourish to allow one of the Council’s goon squad to enter, pushing a wheelchair in front of him. Duct taped to said wheelchair and wearing a ball gag to ensure his silence…was an angry and thoroughly disheveled Alexander Lavelle Harris.

“Have a nice day, ‘bit,” he sniggered, pulling the door closed on my flabbergasted face.

I’m pretty sure the last thing Xander expected me to do once I snapped out of my daze was to calmly get up and start cutting him free. I ripped off the tape and then unfastened the ball gag- nice touch, Spike- without touching him any more than necessary.

He staggered to his feet, stretching out his cramped limbs while I got him a bottle of water from my tiny refrigerator. Without saying a word to him, I handed it over and sat back down behind my desk.

I could feel him staring at me as he guzzled down the entire bottle and then helped himself to another without asking. This one went down slower, the sound of his swallowing loud in the quiet room.

“Thank you,” he muttered, his voice still raspy from lack of use.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, my voice as cold and dismissive as my expression.

“Dawn, I—” Xander sighed and shook his head wearily in defeat. “I don’t suppose there’s any hope in hell that you’ll believe I was already on my way back when he ambushed me?”

***

Oh, come on! Like you didn’t know I would forgive him.

Don’t think for a minute that I let him off lightly, though. And I wasn’t the only one to make him suffer, oh no! Spike had a field day, Buffy gave him hell for breaking her baby sister’s heart, and Giles lectured endlessly. Even Willow jumped on the bandwagon and guilted the hell out of him.

There was massive pouting on my part- which I feel I so totally deserved- and huge amounts of groveling on his, until the day a renegade band of demons decided it would be a good idea to stage an attack on the Council building.

Everyone joined the fight, and I looked up in the midst of all this carnage to see Xander viciously hacking his way through the marauders to my side. Without giving me a chance to say a word, he snatched me close and kissed the daylights out of me before dropping to his knees in the muck in the most romantic proposal ever- even if Spike was making these really gross gagging noises in the background.

It just wouldn’t be my life if there weren’t demon guts involved in some way, now would it?

Naturally, there was a huge disagreement over who would give me away.

In all honesty, it never occurred to me to call my ‘real’ father. And I absolutely refused to be forced to make a choice between the two most influential men in my life.

So, they both escorted me down the aisle; Spike all brash and swagger on one arm, and a sober and dignified Giles on the other.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just the teeniest bit worried that he’d panic again and take off. He was famous for it, after all. But there he was, waiting for me with this cute, crooked smile on his face that told me he knew exactly what I was thinking.

There was a tense moment at the altar when Spike refused to relinquish his grip on my arm while growling threateningly at the groom, but a swift kick in the knee from the Maid of Honor put a stop to that nonsense. He finally let go, and after dropping a kiss on my cheek, he limped over to seat himself beside a tearful Andrew.

The remainder of the ceremony went off without a hitch, thank God, and the reception was in full swing when my favorite vampire stole me away from my groom for a dance.

“Don’t you have something to tell me, Spike?” I giggled as he twirled me with more force than the sedate waltz commanded and dipped me dizzyingly over his arm. I couldn’t resist taunting him. Besides, I owed him for that little incident at the altar. “Come on; tell me how happy you are for me.”

Spike bared his teeth at me in a horrid caricature of a smile. “Blissfully, pet.”

“Hey, blood-breath, gimme back my girl,” Xander demanded as he popped up beside us.

Spike was surprisingly sweet about it. One last twirl, ending with him kissing the back of my hand while I curtsied dramatically. “She’s all yours, whelp.”

Xander grinned. “Damn right, she is!”

We clung to each other, barely swaying to the beat of the music while tiny lights danced over our faces. All eyes were on us and there was a collective sigh when Xander rested his cheek against my hair and pressed my hand to his heart.

“I love you, Dawnie,” he whispered for my ears alone.

Yeah, my life is pretty much, damn-near perfect.